When and how should you bring anal sex into a relationship?

Anal sex is taboo in a lot of cultures

this is a damn shame, as everyone has erogenous zones in their anus, both men and women.

With this in mind, here’s some tips for bringing anal sex into the bedroom as part of a relationship.

Don’t be afraid to not have it

The best tip for instigating anal sex is to not worry if the person says no; it’s not something you’re going to be able to force, and if you try to, it’ll result in little to no sex for either of you for as long as you persist. Fittingly, you need to ease into it.

Bring it up early on, by all means, but as a curiosity more than a firm suggestion. If your partner is into trying it out, they’ll let you know. If you’re desperate for it, they’ll be able to smell it on you, and will feel far more pressured to acquiesce, which can lead to resentment.

Make sure you’re both into it

Often anal sex is used as a bargaining chip by the girl, and is begged for by the guy. This isn’t the way to go; it’s generally going to be more pleasurable for the man, but many women orgasm from anal sex. And being done from behind doesn’t preclude vaginal penetration from other sources.

But it’s something you both need to be into. Think of it as a fun experiment; a chance to try something new. Some couples try it straight away in a relationship, if either is really into it, but generally a wait of a few months is recommended to generate the necessary closeness. As with all of these things, it depends on the type of relationship.

Prepare for it

If/when you’ve decided you’re going for it, set aside some time to make it special – it’s a new type of sex after all, so treat it like it’s your first time (1bar the awkward fumbling). Follow our guide to first time anal sex, but in a nutshell: lube, atmosphere, lube, ‘go’ beforehand, lube, butt plugs  and, of course, lube.

Treat it as something special

Ultimately, this is going to be something that’s more pleasurable for the gentleman than for the lady. This is fine – by now, it’s something you’ve talked about and are both comfortable with.

But with that in mind, be sufficiently grateful. Talk to your partner about what her favourite things to do are, and pleasure her with them either before or afterwards (1but not during. Never during) to say thanks.

Don’t feel the need to be as cliché as a meal in a fancy restaurant, and for the love of god don’t make it seem like a transaction (1you run the risk of making her feel like a prostitute, or at the very least, a high class escort), but show your appreciation by doing something extra nice – which, frankly, you should be doing anyway – is a good way of both encouraging it and showing gratitude for a generous gift.

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